A Vision of Myself

    So if any of you have been following along you know that I am hard on myself. I constantly second guess every my every move. And I am always questioning my accomplishments, “are they enough?”, “should I be doing more?”. I have gotten better, but it seems no amount of mediation or positive affirmations totally stop me from beating myself up, which is why I am on this journey for self acceptance.

    However, the other day I had an experience that totally changed the way I look at myself. I was doing my hair before work and suddenly the image of myself in the mirror changed. It was as if I was seeing myself through someone else's eyes. I know it was instantaneous, but it felt like an eternity. After I regained my footing, I took a deep breath and realized that for a split second in time I saw myself through the eyes of the younger version of me. And I was so proud.

18 year old me, always covered in make-up, half naked, and usually drunk, trying to be anything that would make others like me. 

18 year old me, always covered in make-up, half naked, and usually drunk, trying to be anything that would make others like me. 

   The 18-year-old version of me saw a successful business woman, married to her best friend. She saw a confident 29-year old who finally learned how to style her crazy hair, and doesn’t need to wear makeup every time she leaves the house. She saw what I couldn't. How far I have come in my short time on this earth. She saw, that without even knowing I have become everything I had always wished for growing up.

   Whether it be divine intervention, a moment of enlightenment, or some strange dimensional wormhole (sorry I just binged “Stranger Things”), that allowed me to have this experience, I am beyond grateful. I am going to hold onto that moment with all my heart because it gave me what I have always been searching for. For the first time in my whole life, I looked at myself with nothing but pride and love. And when those negative thoughts come creeping back in, I just try to see myself through my younger eyes, and suddenly I soften. I become proud again.

Me today. No make-up, happy in my own skin, loving what I do. 

Me today. No make-up, happy in my own skin, loving what I do. 

Think of life like a long hike. If you measured your success by only how far you have traveled in a single step, you will not think you have done very much. But if you stop and look at your trail map you will see just how much ground you have really covered. We are no more or less than we perceive ourselves to be. I hope each and every one of you finds peace and happiness in the new year.

 

Much Love,

Anna

 

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