Walking the Line
As someone who was hurt so deeply, I used to have my defenses up all the time. If someone even looked at me the wrong way, it would slice through me like razor blades and I would go into full battle mode. For those of you who knew me in my 18 and younger days, you saw how vicious I could be. Scared and angry, I lashed out against the world. For anyone I hurt during that time of my life, if I haven't told you already, I am sorry for my words. It wasn't you, or anything you did, it was a deep seeded unhappiness within myself, that I allowed to take over my entire being.
With that being said I have learned that most of what people say to you, has nothing to do with you. It has more to do with them and the state of their emotions. If you are walking down the sidewalk, and you bump shoulders with someone on accident, and they call you an "asshole", it is not because that is the truth. It is because that person is angry in their heart, and they will project that out on everyone else. In theory, if you are at peace with yourself, this type of behavior will never effect you. So you just move on with your life and say a little prayer for them.
I emphasize, "in theory".
The theory is a lot easier than the actual practice. Sure this may not be so hard when interacting with total strangers that you can make assumptions about. However, when it is someone you are close with or deal with every day, that's when the practice becomes more difficult. This is where I still struggle. I have a hard time walking the line. The line between knowing that the insult has nothing to do with me and therefore I should just brush it off, and feeling hurt and standing up for myself.
A dear friend of mine once told me that if you went to a psychiatric ward, you wouldn't be surprised to see people running around like lunatics. He said this world is filled with emotionally unstable people who aren't being treated, so why do you expect them to act any different than those patients in the psych ward. It always makes me chuckle but there is so much truth to it. However, how many time do you let a crazy person punch you in the face before you hit them back?
The answer is you don't let them punch you in the first place. You work to find that spiritual wholeness, the true happiness at your core, and then nothing will be able to get to you. I guess it just takes practice. So I'll just keep walking this line, falling one way or the other, until the line is no more, and I am at peace.